


The Easy Way to Stop Breathing

by higashino_gai



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Post-CoS, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-04 01:07:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1761413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/higashino_gai/pseuds/higashino_gai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the “Kids” OVA an ashtray is clearly seen on Edward Elric’s desk. But why would Ed give in to the dubious habit in the first place?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Easy Way to Stop Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by the wonderful [UP2L8](http://archiveofourown.org/users/UP2L8), a great writer and a fantastic person, whom I can never thank enough.

Every day, every hour, every second he raced against the clock. An entire world was spread before him to learn, to save and protect, not to mention to live in somehow. His younger brother was there as well, having left behind his friends, his alchemy, all of his life—for Edward. He knew that he was just a tiny particle in the flow; knew that he could not change the natural order of things. He also knew that if you stop moving, you drown. Of course, Al would pull him up, Al would help him stay afloat, but Al had already spent far too much time caring about him. It was Edward’s turn now—had always been Edward’s turn. He had no right to drown.

So, he hurried. He was best at two tasks: going forward, and not looking back. He excelled at setting priorities, making decisions, and turning away. The very notion of a ‘way back’ was foreign to him; he never needed any and never let himself have one. But even a will of steel had its limits. 

The cigarette case slid out of his vest pocket smoothly. If Havoc ever found out about it, he would definitely be delighted to offer pay back for all the teasing; Edward wouldn’t really object. He lifted the cigarette to his lips.

He had five minutes to take his time.

Breathe in. Blue sky, crackle of alchemy, a question that had to be asked, an answer that had to be given.

Breathe out. Red sky, warm fingers, a goodbye no one wanted to say, a promise no one could make.

There weren’t many memories, and he took stock of them carefully, slow and thorough, not trying to quench the laughter or suppress the tears.

Bright colors. Sun shining over the creek on the road to Resembool. Sun shining over the destroyed parade ground in East City. Frustrating reports. Endless bickering. A voice calling him by the name no one else could say without fear, pity, or scorn.

“Brother?” The sound was so distant, coming from another—this—world. Edward flinched.

Despite all his efforts, he could not hide from Alphonse forever; later he would berate himself for this slip, but not now. He still had thirty seconds left.

“I woke up and you weren’t there. I didn’t know you started smoking,” Al said quietly, his tone worried, but devoid of reproach. “When?”

Edward did not turn to his brother. He stretched out his hand with a lighter. Arranged his lips in the arrogant smirk he knew by heart. Moved his gloved fingers.

“Snap.”

Alphonse silently watched the tiny flame reflect in golden eyes. Five seconds; four; three; two.

The inside of the silver cigarette case bore a scratched inscription: «Don’t forget 8.Nov.23.»

**Author's Note:**

> The thirty seconds are actually a tribute to “His Battlefield Once More”. Because in FMA [alluding to another canon is canon](http://higashino-gai.tumblr.com/post/88106803745/the-stuff-i-love-about-my-fandom-in-fma-alluding).


End file.
